Miss Mary Smack calls em' like she sees 'em:

Yeah, well here's my song of the day--picture if you will: it's 9:30 CST-(that's late for your Left Coast peeps and a school night! for giblet-eaters) I'm driving to the high school to pickup my daughter after opening night of "Bye, Bye, Birdie" (no I wasn't there and she's not on stage she plays in the pit orchestra and I am going tomorrow night so don't even go there). I'm listening to the "Oldies" station because god help me if I hear Soulja Boy one more time TODAY, when what to my wondering ears should appear but a miniature flashback and 8 tiny reindeer :).... "Angie Baby" by Helen Reddy. What kind of twisted person is this Helen Reddy-person. Did she write this after Tenille (her twin separated at birth) stole the Captain from her? Is Angie Big Old Ruby's twisted sister? Is Big Old Ruby the same Ruby of Kenny Rogers ode (as in, "don't take your love to town?"--I think they were both wearing red dresses....) Are they all dog kin? You know litters of people separated only by a twelve-pack and a vague recollection of reproductive events? Anyway, in case you've forgotten the insane lyrics, here they are. You know the tune and don't claim you don't 'cause your foot is tapping already but it's getting mixed up with Muskrat Love. Gotcha.

You live your life in the songs you hearon the rock and roll radio
and when a young girl doesn't have any friends
thats a really nice place to go
folks hoping you'd turn out cool
but they had to take you out of school
you're a little touched you know
angie baby
lovers appear in your room each night
and they whirl you across the floor
but they always seem to fade away
when your daddy taps on your door
angie girl are you alright?
tell the radio goodnight
all alone once more angie baby
Chorus
angie baby
you're a special lady
living in a world of make believe
well maybe

stopping at her house is a neighbour boy
with evil on his mind
cos he's been peeking in angie's room
at the night through her window blind
I see your folks have gone away
would you dance with me today
I'll show you how to have a good time
angie baby
( angie baby )
(angie baby )
when he walks in the room
he feels confused
like he walked into a play
and the music's so loud
it spins him around
till his soul has lost it's way
and as she turns the volume down
he's getting smaller with the sound
it seems to pull him off the ground
toward the radio he's bound
never to be found
the headlines read that a boy disapeared
and everyone thinks he died
except a crazy girl with a secret lover
who keeps her satisfied
it's so nice to be insane
no one asked you to explain
radio by your side
angie baby

Chorus
angie baby
you're a special lady
living in a world of make believe
well maybe
well maybe
well maybe
well maybe

Here's the thing--I also remember the very weird experimental "video" (so experimental it might have been super8mm film) that went with this song. Maybe they played it on the Captain and Tenille Show (how's that for poetic justice --or was it the King Biscuit Flower Hour when it was a show after Soul Train?). Anyway, so I driving down these windswept streets when the announcer guy (totally AM radio voiced, except we're on digital FM) breaks into the song, yes, breaks into the song, with election night results for the Mayoral race in the village of Narnia or some other eastbumflippian place in the hinterlands around here. Picture Les Nespin's voice,"This just in, the Mayoral Race in the Village of Eastbumflippian has been decided-- Steve Nimrod with 24 votes, Mike Basketweaver with 73 votes. There were 131 additional write-in ballots for this election. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming." That was the funniest part, "regularly scheduled programming" like he heard that on Dragnet or something. Of course I was glad that the NEWS BULLETIN was brief because Angie Baby was still playing. And too bad for those two fools running for elected office in a town where there were more people scribbling in the names Optimus Prime or Spiderman than actually voting for the official candidates!!!)

When the song was over the FM announcer-guy said in his AM announcer-guy voice, "Is she twisted or what?"

--Miss Mary Smack-observer of the idiocracy (and believe me, there's no shortage of "teachable moments" out here)