The SWIRLING ABYSS

Pardon the 'EF' out of me for not posting for a pa-few days, but it has been brought to my attention by number two daughter that I am at the top of the 'MOST HATED' list and that I am also starring on my own "WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE-PREFERABLY DEAD!" poster. It would seem that I have manged to push Josef Mengele, Hitler and my all time fave, Idi Amin to a distant 2nd, 3rd and 4th of those guilty of hideous crimes against humanity. Who knew?

It would seem that this child would be happy anywhere, I repeat ANYWHERE, other than my home as I am such a killjoy LOSER and NON-TRUSTER! I ask her, "Don't you remember when I used to kiss your little piggies and make you fluff and jelly (fluff and jelly for God sake) sandwiches and slather you with SPF 190 so you wouldn't burn and scratch your back and read to you before bed and give you extra long tubbies during your "Free Willy" stage?' and took the time to comb your beautiful hair out for EIGHT HOURS (yes, EIGHT EFN HOURS!) when you got lice in the third grade? "NO" she screams, "I HATE YOU" Now even though I know you are all just jonesin' for details, I think I'll let your imaginations fill in the gaps, but it did involve a car, a couple of wompin' lies, a night who knows where?, and much gnashing of teeth and wringing of hands...also a couple of thrown laundry baskets. I have been called (horrors) a BITCH and wished DEAD!! Can you imagine? ME? Moi? I will take this moment to tell 'Big Lou' to get her laughing ass off the floor and wipe the snot from her nose! Compose yourself WOMAN! Yes, Yes, I clearly remember the conversation that went something like, "OH, just you wait, someday you'll know EXACTLY what I'm talking about!" OOOOHHHH and I DO!!!! Payback is certainly a bitch! Oh well...I'm kinda at a loss. But this, as they say, shall pass.... Hopefully.... EFN PRONTO! Previous experience leads me to believe that this sort of traiterous behavior will abate with the 17th birthday, so HAMMER DOWN! GET ME TO MAY!





Waiting in Hell,


The EFN Torque Wrench (or Wench, as it were)

PS. If I had been able to print up a t-shirt to wear today it would have said:

I FEEL BAD FOR ME TODAY...YOU SHOULD TOO