Matt Taibbi Goes Head to Head With Stephen Colbert

Rolling Stone political correspondent Matt Taibbi talked about the Clintons, the fallout from the New Hampshire primaries, and what's next on the campaign trail.

http://www.rollingstone.com/blogs/campaign2008videos/

The Chronicles of Vagarnia

Hey Ho from the Northeast on the eve of yet another 'Noreaster'. I'm sure you will not be surprised to find out that I will be taking part in "The Vagina Monologues" or as M.I.A. refers to it, "The Chronicles of Vagarnia" BAHAAAAA! So anyway, one of the parts that I get to read is the following:

Outrageous Vagina Fact:

It is illegal to sell vibrators in the following states: Alabama, Texas, Mississippi, Georgia, Louisiana, Virginia and Indiana. In some states, if you are caught with intent to sell, you could receive up to $5,000 in fines and face up to 3 years of hard labor. It is totally legal to sell guns in all of these states. We have yet to hear of a MASS MURDER committed with a VIBRATOR.

And that my friends says more about the sorry ass state of the world we live in than prices at the gas pump. So here's a question. Do you think if someone who lives in one of those states, should they order "said device" over the 'internets', can the company sell it to them? Or do they have to set up a PO Box in an adjoining state so as not to get caught in a "vibrator sting"??? Or, what if you travel, say, to one of the states in question, and your bag is searched, say, at the airport and they find the questionable apparatus. Could you be charged with intent to sell? 'Cause how many vibrators do you have to have in your possession to be considered a "Vibrator Dealer"????? These are my questions and I want answers!!! Scheeesch....why don't people relax like in our state, where you can visit with the Governor in the State House, step across the street, pop into Thornes, stock up on "all things KINK" and then go about your day! You gotta give it up for NH...Not often, or at least I imagine not, do you see window dummies in various revealing get-ups (see-through teddies, feather trimmed g-strigs, 6 inch stiletto heels, riding crops and party masks, directly across from the State's Capital Building.

Well, Ill have to report back on the morrow about the latest snowfall. Until then, sleep tight my little pets.

Torky

Here's one for ya

OK. For those of you who know me well...ok, I guess that would be all of you as there are only 6 or 7 who look at this EFN thing, I need some input and help. The "internets" as Miss Mary Smack puts it, is too vast and quite frankly seems to suck the life force out of me, besides which, for some reason, no matter what I'm doing/looking for I somehow always end up shopping for shoes. I need some help ferreting (See Miss Mary Smack's leg in the sidebar) info about "internets" things.

For instance: Is it illegal to make a video for Youtube, advertising something that you want people to buy? Do you need to pay a fee? Or can you just throw it up there and wait for the freaks to come calling?

And: Do you know anyone who has used an online publishing company? I understand that this can be done for short money as nothing is printed in advance of an order. Which company is the best?

Lastly: Which one of you SPAZ'S knows about the wording that leads to hits on the "internets" You know, the thinga majiggies for the search engines. Know what I mean?...

Get on it would ya?

Torque-sta

And this my friends is why I'm mental

This cute video was forwarded to me by the "Jell Man"..Too rich for words really and quite frankly, if I could see through both eyes (can't 'cause I just blew a vessel in my right eye) I would write more! But NO, now I must go lie down and plan my run for office and come up with a catchy slogan so that I too, may have abundant days off for "District work" and fly to and fro on the dime of those poor saps, I mean my constituents! I'm thinking my battle cry could be "Hey. Stupid. Send me to Washington so I can REST!

Boys and girls, please click the link!

Torque


Uncle Jay Explains

Why Congress never works.

A true learning experience,,,

http://www.funnyordie.com:80/videos/26b0d09397

David Blaine Street Magic Part 3

Bahaaaaaa. HELL TO THE NO!! and YOU SHRUNK MY HONDA YOU BITCH...Bahaaaaaaaaa

Barack Rocks Iowa!!

Things are looking up? Let's hope the momentum will carry on through NH. For those of you over there in the Hinterlands, get out and vote!!

http://my.barackobama.com/page/community/post_group/ObamaHQFeature/Cg7C

Miss Mary Smack commands yee to read

Here's a link to a blog that was forwarded to us from Miss Mary Smack who is the first one to tell you "I need to get off the internets"...yes-plural

I have been trying to warm up to my Happy New Year blog and I better hop EFN to it or it will be February...the best "torque-in" month o' the year as it starts with my birthday. 43 efn years old this time around. Now how the ef did that happen? What the?.... Anyhoo, be sure to go to the blog and read the entry titled"The Discriminating (and Feral) Drunk" December 14, 2007. She calls 'em likes she sees 'em, 'specially the whole Jagermeister critique! Bahaaaaaaa and double HA... the girl, she can turn a phrase!

http://gonecompletelyferal.blogspot.com/

Free Hugs Campaign. (music by Sick Puppies.net album out)

For you. to keep for a rainy day. To remind you. Sometimes a simple thing is the best thing.

Snow, polls, and the Huckleberry Hounders

And it snowed and snowed and snowed....so much so that the 'Abster' had to donn her vest and get the snorkel out...no lie...they were calling for 3-6 inches and we got like eleventy EFN million- OK slight exaggeration, but we got at least a foot. What means this? Plus I can't EFN remember EVER having this much snow before Christmas!! Not even as a youngun! M.I.A. has been working 'round the clock and good EFN thing as that would mean that at least ONE of us is getting an EFN paycheck! "Mamma's, don't let your babies grow up to be Realtors"... And while I'm on a roll- I'm about EFN tired of picking up the GD phone to answer political polls. While they can be entertaining at first (August) and make you feel smart and important, blah,blah,blah, they start to wear a little EFN thin in the last week of December- so if everyone would just GODDAMN VOTE in the first place I, as a NH resident, wouldn't be forced to endure these hideously presented questions, complete with mispronounciations! And you know what? I could hardly give a RATS ASS that Mike EFN Hucklberry Finn got junkfood out of public schools! I'm more concerned about him keeping JESUS out of the Primary...Where the EF do I live? Ala-fuckin-bama? No I Do Not! And would someone PLEASE tell Obama to eat an EFN sandwich! How the flippin' Christ does he expect to get elected if he weighs LESS than the average female in this EFN country(which in itself is a SAD EFN statement!) What the EFN EF? Oh the wailing....I would add more but I'm tired from groveling, I mean shoveling and it should be painfully obvious to all that I'm on the short end of good EFN will to mankind today. I cashed in that chip at about, oh eight o'clock, when I picked up the phone to take an AUTOMATED POLL for flippin christ's sake (yes, of course I took it! What do you think I am?) ...who the EF thinks this shit up? If I've said it once, I've said it eleventy million times...HEY. Keep your stupid to yourself!

The shovelin' EFN Torque Wrench

So....as you can see with your own eyes, a good time was had by all at the Annual Yankee Swap at Louise's house...as M.I.A. was barreling out the door for a MUCH needed smoke, he managed to back my ass into the stairs, which of course made me fall, to the happiness and delight of all present and what you see scattered on the rug, floor, my pants and hands, would be the remnants of my practically famous and quite tasty bleu cheese cups, which I was serving a fresh plate of 'hostess style'. Ah. Nothing says "family gathering" like someone falling on their ass! Please note that all this was accomplished 'sans' alchohol, unlike the time I took out the bass player at that club in the "old Port" whilst partaking in MUCH MERRIMENT and doing a super cool dance move which managed to somehow catapult me into the speaker by the stage, taking the bass player out 'thusly'...good times, good times! I believe that was also the night that Ro Mo Ho and I took advantage of the new "tipsy taxi" service (free ride for those too hammered to drive their own cars home-we didn't arrive in a car-we walked to the bar, but hey) and were broadsided at the first intersection we came to by - you guessed it- a DRUNK DRIVER! But that my friends, is another story for another day! Bon soir, mon petit chou!

IT'S SNOWY AND MY DOG IS MENTAL

HELLOOO from the SNOWY North East...The dog, she gets mental!

HUH

So I'm thinking the person who made this neon sign got more than one laugh...They don't mince words in BROOKLYN

Well, hidee ho ho ho from the BAT CAVE...amazing the things you find when dragging out the Christmas decorations...why imagine this perfectly good BATMAN mask just pining away, forgotten on a shelf. Sheesh. And don't tell me that Lady Liberty should hide her light under a barrel...well, maybe we have an argument for that one given recent disgraceful events around the world...especially CUBA, but hey, getting back to the Christmas decorations....as you can see from the photos, I'm doing just about everything possible to avoid the yuletide spirit- call it willful on my part, I DON'T CARE, but I'm just not feeling it! And please, could someone call the networks and have the Beyonce ( Bee on say) Direct TV ad removed immediately! She and that gold dress are drivin' me EFN mental- upgrade this, you twinkie.

On a happy note, the collective "skids" will be woefully disappointed in my gift-giving this year as I'm sending a DVD that they will watch about children in Africa (What the EF? Why do I have to watch some gaylord movie about kids in Africa, as if) and I will also send a cd with hand picked songs that they will no doubt COMPLETELY miss the point of, but again, I DON'T CARE! I'm not buying crap this year- just making it! HA

I wish I could write, or show, or draw how big my feelings are for you all...my little tethers to the earth. Without you I'm not sure what I would do. I hope you all know in your huge hearts that I love you to the moon and beyond, beyond eternity and back again, to the very center of what makes me who I am. Love Ya

PS I saw 4 more people today who deserved a " HEY. Keep your stupid to yourself" shirt...slow day

The Penis Tree

I must say...Torky got quite a chuckle out of the recent posting by Rainking of The Penis Tree! *See pic below* Now if that doesn't warm the 'cock'les of your heart, I don't know what does. Juvenile, I know, yet...BAAHAAAAA- and quite frankly after the thankless last two weeks that I've been through, I need a little sumpin' to put the spring back in my step


Love you all madly and beyond the mere measure of time,

The EFN torque wrench

World's Largest Woodpecker

'Tis the Season - There's always some truth in sarcasm

For Christ’s Sake
Franklin, TN plans ‘War on Christmas’ memorial

Excerpted from the Nashville Scene's "The Fabricator" column.

The black granite facade of the Vietnam Veterans’ Memorial in Washington, D.C., may soon have a look-alike companion in Franklin, Tenn., dedicated to the victims of the “War on Christmas.”

The National War on Christmas Memorial Foundation is seeking funds to build a memorial across Highway 96 from the Confederate Dixie Rebel Acres subdivision on the outskirts of Franklin.

“We’re going to carve on it the names of all the people and groups who have lost their displays and celebrations in the War on Christmas,” says Frank C. King, who heads the memorial foundation.

“We’re going to get the names of all those poor cashiers who have to parrot ‘Happy Holidays’ at shoppers instead of wishing them a hearty ‘Merry Christmas,’ and carve them here. We’re going to get the names of the people who wish they could see a big illuminated baby Jesus on the steps of the courthouse and carve them here. This is going to be big.”

The foundation hopes to raise $1.5 million for the memorial during this holiday season, begin construction in the spring and have it ready to open by next Thanksgiving.“We’re hoping to have Bill O’Reilly here to do the ribbon-cutting,” King says. “We’re even hoping he may do his FOX News show from here in front of it. Wouldn’t that be great?”

Most news programs show steep declines in viewership during the holiday season due to parties and family gatherings. For the past couple of years, O’Reilly has boosted sagging ratings during this period by ginning up the War on Christmas theme. He typically locates isolated examples of overzealous efforts of inclusiveness and weaves a specious narrative of Christmas under siege nationwide.

“The National War on Christmas Memorial could be a year-round boon to tourism around here,” King says with enthusiasm. “Nobody alive remembers the Civil War, but we all remember the War on Christmas. I can see those out-of-state SUVs with Jesus fish on the back pouring in here now.”

New car fever taken to new heights!!

Sandy Wong gets turned on by expensive and classic cars, motorcycles and women with big feet and really likes to expose himself in public.

Unfortunately, the 45-year-old Edmonton man’s sexual deviancy has led to him “pleasuring” himself while sitting on the roof of cars, including a BMW on display at the Home and Garden Show at the Northlands Agricom.

Court heard Wong was observed checking out three BMW vehicles on display at the BMW display at the Home and Garden Show on March 22. Then, he was seen sitting on the roof of a 2007 BMW 328i sedan, valued at $50,000.

Shortly after that, Wong had dropped his sweat pants to his ankles and was spotted masturbating while sitting with his legs dangling over the driver’s door window.
Security eventually detained Wong until police showed up and a clean-up crew had to wash down the BMW.

According to psychiatrist Dr. Curtis Woods, Wong says he is “sexually attracted” to the BMW’s roof top because “it’s curved like a woman’s body, the sex appeal, it felt good.”

Woods said Wong reported he also gets aroused by certain cars, including a 1967 Camaro and a 1955 Chevy Bel Air, and blames the owners for buying the cars because it tempts him to “pleasure” himself.

Court heard Wong was also arrested May 24 for jumping on a 2005 MiniCooper outside the downtown Boston Pizza, dropping his pants and proceeding to “tuck, rub and bounce his naked genitalia” on the hood of the car.

He also admitted climbing onto the roof of a 1991 Buick Century parked at the rear of a south-side home, taking off his clothes and masturbating on June 12.

Crazy Russian Credit Card Stealers

Miss Mary Smack:

Of course you realize that company you get your music from is Russian which has like the highest crime rate in the industrialized world not to mention probably like a gazillion boiler room internet credit card rip-off centers.....
Any freaky activity on your account? I want to buy a Lee Margan album (listen to The Sidewinder sample--it is awesome-Liz wants it bad...


Torque Wrench replies:

Must you send me this information about the whole Russian 'sweatroom' credit card stealer people (which I saw on 20/20) and how this music site is Russian and now I have to add this to my hideously long list of things to obsess about until my head hurts because I obviously have a brain tumor from having to talk on my EFN dumbass phone constantly! Are you trying to drive me mad woman? Plus, no I haven't noticed any UNUSUAL activity on my card but by CHRIST I will now have to check to be sure even though I just paid my card today- which reminds me that the music account is on my debit card so good EFN luck to the CHUMP that tries to go to town on that one! He/she might, and I stress might, be able to score a pair of socks, a gallon of milk and a carton of floorsweepin' cigarettes before that GRAVYTRAIN winds down. HA
GOT TO GO
T.W.

FYI...did you know that you can now LOCK your credit?? Yes indeed you can. Probably the single thing that Congress has done in the past 7 years that actually is worth a 'EF'...of course, should you desire more or new credit you must "unlock" it for a small fee and a few days delay, but that's so smart I can't believe I didn't think of it!